#and for the fucking record - we are traumagenic

[constellaether]

This post is about the hostility I see in plural spaces on this platform.

It saddens me to see exclusionists in communities that face extensive marginalization and a lack of broader awareness and research already. Yes, misinformation can be harmful, and shouldn't be spread, but even more harmful is neglecting those who need community spaces and resources the most.

If you turn away and persecute those who are vulnerable, strange, and different than you in a way you do not understand, get out of here. Not everything is yet understood in a world this wide and varied. Get your head out of your ass.

especially for an experience so subjective, especially for a condition which often comes with amnesia of varying degrees. not everyone can remember what has scarred them so.

[sleepdeprivedsprout]

Left… Up… Down… Right…

[Pommisc on Newgrounds] » [ H A V E M Y H E A R T - G F M I X ] «

1:20 ───〇── 2:43 ⇄ ◃◃ ⅠⅠ ▹▹ ↻

Before my introduction: Self Love Masterpost.

Also before my introduction: This thing

Now then… Hey! My name’s Sprout. I go by a few different names, honestly. Sprout, Root, and Leaf.

real canon daughter of Pico, Alastor, and Itto, trust chat

ALSO!!! Canon wife/partner of Boyfriend — as I call him, Blue — and I am NOT COMFORTABLE SHARING. It’s not a DNI if you’re a double, but just… Don’t mention it too much.

I also selfship w/ Diluc and Kinich from Genshin Impact :3 married to Diluc, dating Kinich

Friday Night Funkin’ is my main hyperfixation; most of the time, my blog matches a character I like (right now it’s a character I hate but like. We look similar so shush)

I also go by a few other names that I’ve stolen from fictional characters! You can find them under the cut.

My headmates!

I'm avoiding calling myself an endogenic system due to general hate thrown towards them. I just have headmates. Please, avoid saying I have DID as I am not diagnosed; I am not a traumagenic system and I am not an endogenic system. I just have headmates. Also, below states their source materials as well. For some, it is the specific version (such as Pico being labeled under FNF instead of Pico’s School). For others, it is simply their source material.

Sprout; Host (🌱), Sarvente; Mid-Fight Masses (🩷), Husker; Hazbin Hotel (🥃 [alternatively 🍺 or 🍻 since he forgets which]), Angel Dust; Hazbin Hotel (🕷️), Alastor; Hazbin Hotel (📻), Fluttershy; My Little Pony GEN 4 (🦋), Nebu; Friday Night Funkin’… Kinda (💎), Kapi; Arcade Showdown V2 (🧶), Ruvyzvat; Mid-Fight Masses (🩶), Documic.TXT; Unknown Source (💻), Blake; FNF: Lullaby (🗻), Annie; Hazy River (🩸), Pico; Friday Night Funkin’ (🔫), Darnell; Friday Night Funkin’ (🔥), Garcello; Hazy River (🚬), Selever; Mid-Fight Masses (❤️‍🩹), Rasazy; Mid-Fight Masses (🩵), Callie; Splatoon (🖤🩷🖤), Marie; Splatoon (🖤💚🖤), Pearl Houzukin Splatoon 2 (🦑), Marina Ida; Splatoon 2 (🐙), Shiver Hohojiro; Splatoon 3 (🟪), Frye Onaga; Splatoon 3 (🟨), Big Man; Splatoon 3 (🟧)

Sprout uses she/they/it, Sarvente uses she/her, Husk uses he/they, Angel Dust uses she/they/he, Alastor uses he/him, Fluttershy uses she/they, Nebu uses he/him, Kapi uses he/they, Ruv uses he/it, Documic uses whatever the fuck is an option, Blake uses they/them, Annie uses she/her, Pico uses he/him, Darnell uses he/him, Garcello uses he/they, Selever uses he/him, Rasazy uses she/her, Callie uses she/they, Marie uses she/he, Pearl uses they/she, Marina uses she/they, Shiver uses he/they, Frye uses she/it + a few neos, Big Man uses he/it. Please respect all our pronouns.

There’s probably a few others, but that depends on when they wish to come out.

I’m ✨autistic✨ so please use tone tags because I misread sometimes < misreads “you’ve improved” as negative sometimes for some reason

Tagging System!

I’ve stolen the FNF score input whoops

Sick!! - Mutual

Good! - Reblogs

Bad. - Text Post

Shit… - Asks

No Input - Queue

Gettin’ Freaky On A Friday Night Yeah - Suggestive

Twinsomnia - Recording Dreams And/Or Nightmares

Choose Your Dipshit - (I asked before using this) plurality stuff

Everywhere At The End Of Funk - Vent Posts

Other blogs?

@lilyofthevalley-s - Headmates’ Blog!

@havemyheartt - ElectroSwing (Aria X BF) Blog!

@melting-in-ur-arms - M.I.Y.A. (Diluc X Hokikori) Blog!

@blxxm-bxby - Bloom (Kinich X Shuyang) Blog!

@sprouts-xreader-stories - Fanfiction Blog!

@demonsparks - OC blog! Find Aria (and everyone else) here :3

WOAH!!! IRL FRIENDS!! I GO OUTSIDE SOMETIMES!

@levisvoid , @akuutff , @sh0uz

Wah! Online Friends!

(Uh… let us know if you wanna be removed. Also, I put the people I talk to most frequently on here.)

@vexter-the-comedian , @justletmestayawakeatthispoint , @winedownthesink , @worldsbiggestnerd101 , @pico-newgrounds

@guardianangelhaver , @schnozzlebozzle

Found Fam(ily <3)

@aroacerick , @vaporwave-dr34ml4nd , @mochapop223

Matching?

*the slashes are because we’re PLANNING to, I’m just waiting for them to change so I can actually @ them*

Yep! Pfp credits go to kor0kke, right here! Matching with @aroacerick (Boyfriend) , @vaporwave-dr34ml4nd (Pico) , @/winedownthesink (Darnell) , and @/worldsbiggestnerd101 (Nene)!

Random thing/s I have (userbox/es); made by @/fo-userboxes and @/just-another-userbox-maker (if you’re seeing this, HAI GUYS…)

[songbirds-of-halcyon]

We got our more detailed medical records and guess what we have. You won’t fucking believe this.

First of all, we have several instances of being described as “not having a personality”, “hearing voices”, “identity confusion”, etc.

We have one letter stating various things we’ll pick out. We’re replacing our legal name with Halcyon and fixing the misgendering btw.

“Halcyon’s main areas of concern were that people do not accept that he has experienced trauma in the past.” They said this because I told them they were ignoring and not helping at all with the trauma.

“Following an extended assessment, it became clear that Halcyon’s difficulties are complex, not least because they are inflicted by Autism, which leads to very concrete thinking.” This was said because I wouldn’t take “we’ll treat you before we even consider diagnosing you/learning about your symptoms/treating you like a person” for an answer.

(HERE’S THE BEST ONE) “Halcyon’s sense of himself is very unintegrated, which leads to splitting off feelings and emotional states and giving them names and personalities, which Halcyon experiences as independent of himself.” Uh-oh! Someone’s describing a system! -_- Unintegrated identity, huh? Wonder what that could be. Nothing comes to mind /sar

They also openly call others in the system “personalities” in the letter btw. MPD? Never heard of it lol. /sar

Psychosis and “serious mental illness” was ruled out. I guess I’m demon possessed then.

They tried to say I (🌸) created them to help me “gain an understanding of how/why we developed this view of myself”, which was funny because I’m not the original host.

The second letter: S is my other, non-NHS therapist, btw. I don’t want to share her name here

“S fed back that she had started some solution-focused work with Halcyon around accepting Halcyon’s view that he has multiple identities and using and developing his strengths within these to help him move forward and achieve his goals.” This is just sceptical-talk for S has been talking to us like people and actually addressing the issue instead of pretending it’s “autism hallucinations” or whatever the fuck CAHMS are doing. You’d think this would be a good thing, no? A therapist is helping a trauma victim heal from their trauma and achieve goals in their life without fear or pain! Well, CAHMS has other opinions. CAHMS says…

“Halcyon seems to be more engaged in this way of working with S, rather the work being more about trying to challenge the existence of different personalities.” That’s right; because S isn’t encouraging me to drive the system to panic and possibly death again, it’s “not working”. Because S is doing her job and actually helping in a way that didn’t cause us to split 60+ times (I’m not even fucking joking), she’s wrong. CAHMS “method” literally almost caused me to go dormant, several near-deaths, months worth of doubt to the point where I was fucking banned from fronting because multiple of us including myself were so dangerously close to fucking up our own life permanently, and accusing us of being created/imaginary/hallucinations/lies/etc. And guess what, NONE OF IT WORKED!! I don’t understand why they keep trying to disprove it when everything they’ve done has failed, and they’ve by definition alone almost diagnosed me with DID already!! We’ve been so much happier dealing with this shit alone tbh.

S has been our main therapist for over 5+ years. We’ve been seeing her since we were 12. Our old host told her about the system before I even existed. Of course we fucking trust her, she’s known us for longer than any of the doctors at CAHMS, and she’s also just better at her job honestly (in more ways that just related to this).

Also CAHMS had a few comments about our C-PTSD. Apparently we:

Don’t have PTSD, but we do have…

Traumagenic synesthesia (which isn’t a thing)

Traumagenic gender dysphoria (trauma started at age 6 and we came out as trans at 3 so either we’re a time traveller or someone’s crap at their job)

And Traumagenic homosexuality! No, I am not fucking joking, this is in my actual literal medical records!!

Oh, and also developmental trauma, which is the CAHMS way of saying “yeah you have C-PTSD but we don’t wanna call it that bc we don’t wanna treat you”.

They also claimed that autism causes auditory hallucinations (hearing voices) and identity confusion (alters). Gotta love 60+ year old doctors who haven’t done any catch-up courses, am I right?

So yeah, CAHMS is a joke.

-🌸

[yikes-ajax]

Yikes! No blog intro? No longer!

What's UP my DUDES, it's time to sit the FUCK up (seriously, straighten your back you animal) and LISTEN UP. I am the MOST disinteresting person you will EVER meet and yet here we are. My name is AJ or sometimes Roary (if you know you know, hey besties) and have the stupidest cat ever and that's IT. But to fill the void in my metaphorical and dead heart, and really just to appease my need to feel special, here's the basics.

I am:

- An adult (aka throwing more temper tantrums than I did as a kid)

- Bisexual

- Genderfluid, literally any pronouns are fine (just nothing dehumanizing, if you care)

- American (insert sigh here)

- Disabled (mobility and neurological)

Blog Navigation

Main: 🌟 You're here!

Sims blog: @yikes-a-simmer

Vent blog: @yikes-ajax-thats-sad

Trauma blog: @puppydog-eyes-kittycat-claws

Dogboy blog: @weewoof

Under the cut is just some extra info if you really feel like boring yourselves ↓

The

Nitty Gritty

For those who care about the details for some reason??

- I alternate between canes, crutches, and a wheelchair (my dad once called my car a medical store) so when I make stupid jokes about being crippled or shit it's because I'm disabled and don't know how to cope

- You don't need my health records (I am a simp for my neurologist and don't need your opinions from five minutes of searching google), but what I occasionally talk about and am comfortable sharing is that I have functional neurological disorder (fnd), non-epileptic seizures (thanks fnd), poor mobility (thanks again fnd), and so... So many mental issues, as you can probably guess, such as PTSD, the spicy kind of depression that needs 3 different meds to stabilize, a sensory processing disorder I was diagnosed with so long ago I don't remember the name of (is that mental or physical??), and other bullshit

- I've got severe social anxiety but I'm trying my best to get out of my shell, so don't hesitate to interact, just forgive my rambling and nervousness

- Surprise, surprise, I have dissociative identity disorder (did), and yes, I'm traumagenic if you really must use such stupid terms. I don't give a fuck about dumb syscourse, I think endos are offensive af but what do I know, I can't even parallel park and know how to stay in my own lane. I've been in the DID community, you can probably guess who I was if you do enough digging but I have no interest in revisiting that side of the Internet, it is the most toxic community I have ever seen

- I sometimes go dark, but I'm fine, I'm likely just busy or obsessed with a video game and my queue has ran out

Current interests (stuff I post in-between cat pics when I feel inclined): Critical role / dnd, star wars, crochet

Video games: Ark: survival evolved, star wars criminals, Minecraft teehee, Red dead redemption (1 and 2, yeehaw), skyrim

The

Cast

Rosie (the reject) and PJ (the pacifist turned genocidal but still total baby)

Rue (the mean ass) and Allie (the bottom of the food chain that is in perpetual fear, but hey, she has an extra toe so that's cool)

Meadow (weapon of mass destruction)

And me, AJ (the bitchass blog runner you'll hopefully never see the face of)

Do not interact:

My neighbors cat 😤😡🖕😾

Encouraged to interact:

Aliens, goblins, werewolves (hey mamas 😎), marine biologists, people who ever feel like a plastic bag drifting through the wind, little guys, little clown guys (THIS IS A SAFE SPACE FOR CLOWNS, I REPEAT, SILLY LITTLE GUYS ARE WELCOME!!), those discontent with their mortal flesh and wish to break to endless spiral of human destruction, little meow meows, anarchists, Dr. Gregory House (please fix me sir), that one hot chick from that one show I watched that one time, DILFS PLEASE, and stupid little fdufcking.. stupid little bitches

All in all,

I'm just here to have a good time and bring some laughter to anyone who wants it. My favorite thing to do is laugh and crack jokes, and if I can make someone else laugh with me, then my purpose here on earth is done. Though, I have a very dry and sarcastic humor that I know can sometimes be hard to read, so please just understand that I'm usually just playing around! I promise I'm not as mean as I seem!

You don't need to worry about anything upsetting here, I try not to post or reblog anything that could dampen someone's day, because not only are y'all here to escape, I am too. This blog will always be safe, I have no interest in discourse, don't care about a DNI, and rarely bother checking who follows me unless you're talking to me. Anonymous asks are on for fellow socially anxious lurkers that wanna talk, but be warned— don't diss my cat 👹

Thanks y'all, love you guys. Stay safe and sleep well ❤️

[tempestgnostic]

hot take but i don’t understand why some folks are so pressed about endogenic systems using stuff like pluralkit, pimplyplural, etc. or even just being in plural spaces. readmore because this may get long

i’ve never really been involved in ‘syscourse’ or whatever because i have better things to do and i recognize that watching teenagers fight on the internet is not the best thing for my own mental health. i feel my brain cells dying at an accelerating rate everytime i see the disk-horse going on around me. it’s like peeking into this strange world that i’m only tangentially related to.

for the record, i have no fucking clue why i’m plural, and i have no urge to find out. i’m not in a place where i can just root around in my trauma to try and find the source. does that mean i shouldn’t use these resources that’ve helped me and my headmates so much? or does that only apply to systems who call themselves endogenic? i’m genuinely asking here.

i mean, i get where y’all are coming from. when i was going through crippling gender dysphoria, before i was able to get on HRT or even cut my hair, i was so fucking angry at people who used neopronouns, or had xenogenders, or even just folks who said they didn’t have gender dysphoria. i felt like they were treating my very real, very distressing medical issue (which is how i saw it at the time—i no longer do) as a joke, as a fun playground to fuck around in. i don’t think we’re that different in that regard. i know how difficult it is to go through all these painful experiences, and then see others with vastly different lives calling themselves by the same labels as us, when we have almost nothing in common.

but that’s the thing: regardless of how you feel about them personally, a lot of these folks are having very real plural experiences, and they’re using the vocabulary they know to describe it. ‘system.’ ‘plural.’ ‘headmate.’ and yet they’re also using endogenic to distinguish between their experiences and yours. you seem to want them to coin their own words for all of the nuances of their plurality, but why? why not use the words we have, and recognize that ‘being plural’ is a simple shorthand that easily encompasses all of these different ways of, well, being plural?

there are many ways to be ‘trans.’ there are many ways to be ‘plural.’ that’s why we add modifiers, but the base is the same because there’s a broader, shared experience. asking endogenics to go off and just bootstrap their own resources, rather than using what’s already available, is nonsense. and demanding that they come up with their own words for every nuance of their identity is how we end up with shit like MOGAI. (oh, wait, plural MOGAI already exists. it’s called pluralpedia, and it’s a fucking mess.)

it’s fine to have spaces where you can talk about traumagenic system experiences without interference from folks whose plurality isn’t connected to trauma—though i’d argue there are quite a few ‘endos’ who haven’t yet made the connection between their own trauma and plurality. hell, i’d be pissed if i was part of a private group geared towards trans people who experience dysphoria, and somebody came in and started talking about how we should ‘love our bodies the way they are!’ or whatever. but that’s not something every non-dysphoric trans person would do. that’s something assholes do, and they come in every flavor of identity.

anyways, i should probably get to work instead of writing ridiculously long essays about this shit. peace

[thelunastusco]

Also, like...

We've been in the plural and plural-adjacent communities since ~1999. We are survivors of RA. System hopping was never a RAMCOA exclusive thing, it was very much a spiritual system thing. Usually used between partner systems, and tight-knit friends, so sysmates could visit their partners/friends in other systems via metaphysical means. That's what it originally meant, full stop.

(Back then, multiplicity and systemhood in general was MORE LIKELY to be seen through a spiritual light. We very much remember that psychological-only systems were in the minority. Had nothing to do with origins: traumagenic and non-traumagenic systems were found on both sides of it, and in the grey areas in the middle. It was purely a "yes it's possible because the universe is weird and our system members are souls that can travel" VS "system members are generated by the brain and can't exist outside of the brain that generated them so it's impossible" debate. "Endo" and "non endo" had nothing to do with it.)

It was crapped on way less back then, but it was still usually treated with some amount of disdain and/or skepticism. Which, sure, some amount of skepticism is always good. But still, it wasn't treated as abusive nonsense by the majority.

Ironically, it was the uptick in sysmed shit and "systems are psychologically based ONLY", "systems are disorders ONLY", "spiritual systems are DELUSIONAL", and accompanying rejection of anything seen as "woo woo" that led to system hopping being treated like garbage.

There was no "burning of the library of Alexandria" moment initiated by endogenic systems against poor helpless traumagenic systems. We would have fucking heard about it. We were there. There was no mass wave of doxxing, death threats, etc. (And the idea that there's "no records" of it is ridiculous.) It was a gradual shift that happened over time, where system hopping was seen as an odd but fairly well-known metaphysical concept that some experienced and some didn't, and then some years later it was seen as bullshit that only abusive, terrible systems came up with as a way to terrorize systems under their thumb. And it was directly in correlation with the rise in how much spiritually based systems of ANY origin were treated like shit.

"Anti-endos", not endogenic and non-traumagenic systems, are what led to system hopping being seen as fake and impossible. Endogenic systems, by and large, are not the systems screaming about how sysmates are only products of trauma and the mind so system hopping is impossible and anyone who believes in it is fake/abusive/delusional.

Now they're trying to turn it around and blame the side of the community that is more likely to accept the concept? Lmao.

Asinine games, asinine prizes.

Yeah... this confession is sus...

Here's an anon sent into a confession blog. Which means for one thing, there's zero reason to trust this account of events.

There's no information about when or where this happened. What was the website? What was the year?

Actually, they claim there were "so many resources" so were they just... all consolidated onto one website by one group of people? One website used it. And then when it broke up... everyone who used the term just changed their language and stopped using it until Nel in 2021 brought it up? (Despite Nel not knowing any RAMCOA systems who use it.)

It points blame vaguely at members of the "endogenic community" but the term "endogenic" itself didn't exist until 2013, 8 years after system hopping was first used for travel between different bodies.

And why did members of the endogenic community supposedly try to harass and dox these people?

Actually, how did they find these people to begin with? Other versions of the story trying to explain why there is no record of RAMCOA systems ever using this term before 2021 claimed that it's because the community is just THAT super secretive and tight-knit that everything is confined entirely to private servers which... doesn't jive with this new telling if these spaces were supposedly infiltrated by evil endogenic systems looking to destroy the innocent RAMCOA survivors because reasons.

I'm sorry, but this whole story has...

[systematic-advice]

genuinely asking because i noticed this in a sys server we're in on discord. why is it that, as soon as something becomes mainstream (fnaf sb, dsmp, the like) everyone and their fucking mothers has alters for it. these people shout theyre traumagenic, but i dont see it possible to have split 10+ alters from x source in a week? not unless you need insane amounts of therapy, or youre fucking lying about having did/osdd. none of this is at you guys, but a general question. what the fuck. -🩸

Hi Anon.

First I want to say that this blog doesn't support fake claiming in general, so we're going to take that off the table from the start. We're also not against Fictives from popular sources, and this lends to some of the reasons why.

I don't think it's at all unreasonable to assume many Systems would split Alters from new and popular media. You asked why so many would split when something like FNAF comes out, but it makes sense when you think about it. How many people bought copies of that game? Considering FNAF has been a cultural icon in the gaming sphere for almost eight years now, that means that some of the Systems you're seeing literally grew up with it through their youth/teens. When a new piece of that game series comes out, it would only make sense that those Systems would split new introjects. It's a similar story with DSMP. It's viewed by millions and has been going on for ages, so it makes sense that a number of Systems would have splits from it.

It's also worth remembering that special interests, fixations and obsessions all play into how your System behaves. As a System that happens to also be autistic and ADHD, I can assure you of this fact. When we fixate on something or it becomes our special interest (like some of our novels have), you better believe we're going to split introjects from it.

Also what you said above could be seen as a little offensive to polyfrag Systems like ourselves. Our record for distinct splits in a week is 9. For some people splitting happens very easily, either because their stress levels are too high or because that's simply how their System functions. Polyfrag Systems can experience splits so similar they can be hard to tell apart and they can happen very frequently, so the number of alters someone has or splits isn't much of a factor.

Another thing to keep in mind is that many of the Systems you interact with online are teenagers or young adults. We know this because 'most' of the servers we've ever tried to join from trumagenic systems are 25 and below. This isn't a dismissal of their validity or anything like that. Teenagers are in the most tumultuous time in their lives chemically. All teenagers and people under the age of 25 deal with changing chemicals in their brain at levels they are unaccustomed to. This creates stress by default, which makes splitting much easier to begin with. Often times those teenagers and young adults are still living at home with their abusers, which also predisposes them to splitting.

I suppose what I'm getting at is that who or what someone splits isn't a sign of faking, no matter how many people have that introject or how many they split. We don't get to choose our alters or their sources, so I wouldn't consider these criteria for faking myself.

Edit to add: The term 'insane' happens to be particularly abelist in this conotation and we'd suggest looking into why many people would prefer that term not used in this way.

[terribledactyl]

wow you've...never spoken to an endogenic system at all have you? cause it's clear you haven't and you'd rather parrot sysmed rhetoric

newsflash asshole - YOU'RE the ones causing the harm. you're the ones who come into OUR tags with your hate, telling us we don't exist because you can't be bothered to educate yourself, screenshot our blogs and raid inclusive plural discords so you can post on disgusting places like r/systemscringe and r/fakedisordercringe, and gaslight endo systems into thinking they must have trauma even though the fucking DSM-V that you love to treat as the gospel even says that trauma is not a requirement for plurality AND that there are other kinds of plurality that do not fit under a traumagenic umbrella.

so either sit down shut up and educate yourself for once and stop aligning yourself with exclusionists that literally take transmed rhetoric and rearrange it for their needs, or fuck off and die

oh and stop posting in our tags

Thank you for caring about others, genuinely I think concern about the wellbeing of others is the most admirable thing a person can do, even if you don’t realize that’s what you’re doing here. While I don’t align myself with people who go on “raids” or anything like that, I can understand the confusion.

I truly hope endogenic systems get the support needed if they do have a system, because systems form through trauma and up-to-date research proves as much. Did you know the DSM is outdated, racist, classist, and harmful to many communities? The best understanding comes from current medical and scientific research, which is admittedly lacking due to it being a divisive field to study, but respectable current research and studies show that systems form through trauma in early childhood. It’s not gaslighting to say any of that. We underestimate just how little children can handle without it counting as trauma, and you probably never even thought you were traumatized that badly as a kid! It sucks. I know. And if you’re 100% sure that you don’t have trauma but claim to have a system, you’re hurting vulnerable people. Simple as that. (You probably have trauma, though. Being poor growing up is traumatic enough to cause a system. Being bullied. Being emotionally neglected or isolated. Even one-off events that you were too young to process correctly. The list goes on.) It’s a coping mechanism, like maladaptive daydreaming. Comparing the above sentiment to transmedicalism is extremely transphobic and ableist. “Seek help if you believe you have something that is exclusive to a trauma disorder, otherwise differentiate your experience so that terms originated for medical use aren’t being misused” isn’t the same as “trans people should be barred from the support they need if they don’t meet medical criteria”. In fact honestly they’re kind of the opposite of each other - one is rallying for more support and aid, and the other is barring people from needed support. And if the above sentiment makes you mad enough to tell someone to kill themselves, please think about who’s actually trying to hurt who, and I hope your life eases enough that you don’t feel the need to suicide bait traumatized people online for suggesting that you might need help.

And for the record, I tag posts both as “traumagenic system” and “endogenic system” so my followers can block tags as needed, and I feel like calling it “syscourse” is a misleading name for the situation (which is its own essay that I won’t get into here), but I’ll change my primary tag regarding endogenic systems to “syscourse” to avoid future confusion. I will not, however, ever hide an outstretched hand to those who need it, including systems who have yet to process their trauma.

[queerautism]

"fun" story (and by fun I mean cw for mentions of medical abuse and general abuse)

I'm part of a traumagenic system. We've been confirmed by multiple mental health professionals (although we don't have an on the record diagnosis for personal reasons) But the first mental health professional we talked to told us that we just had an overactive imagination because DID/OSDD is caused by trauma and that psychiatrist was an asshole who didn't believe our family's emotional abuse was bad enough to cause that kind of disorder. (He still put us on anti-psychotics without actually telling us what they were, we were underage at the time) but that invalidation seriously fucked us up and we have an ongoing distrust of mental health professionals now.

But everytime I see arguments from sysmeds I just think about that. Not everyone has access to a good mental health professional, so not everyone can get diagnosed for the actual disorders they have. And if you make trauma a requirement for being a system then you're going to have to draw a line for what *counts* as trauma.

So basically even if someone thinks that endos are fake (they aren't, endos are great) they shouldn't support sysmeds because that's just going to end up hurting traumagenic systems as well.

We feel really unsafe in any plural community that isn't 100% pro-endo because we feel like we're going to get told our trauma isn't bad enough, or that our diagnosis isn't official enough. Sysmeds just make things so much worse for any system that has a slightly different experience.

They really do, it's awful. I'm sorry you ever had to deal with that. I have seen so much judgement of trauma and it always makes me feel so angry.

[urfavoritesecretadmirer]

“Funny, you were close on the precision but not the accuracy. Host indeed learned about systems at age 13. Inner dialogue was already common but in the singlet way. This was then mostly forgotten about and he moved on with his life. Good to get off on the right foot in terms of knowledge about systems, though.”

> Never said that learning about systems at 12-13 was bad, I said learning about systems at 12-13 and deciding you want it without trauma is bad.

“We don't claim to have a disorder. You seem to use the word 'system' in a strictly medical sense.

“We are multiple in one body without trauma. You may still disagree with that, but it is at least a different claim that must be dealt with accordingly.”

> I do disagree with that. Because although we may not know every way how systems are created, we know for sure why they are created. Systems are there to protect the body from trauma.

“The truth of this statement is of no direct consequence to us. We do not claim to have DID or OSDD or any other disorder.”

I wasn’t talking about just endos here. This post is about endos and fakers although I didn’t put specifically fakers here bc people will yell at me for “fake claiming”

“Wrong. Many endogenic systems have experienced trauma, it just wasn't the cause of their plurality. We have been lucky enough to not experience any.”

> If you’re an endo and experienced trauma, you are traumagenic.

“This is the part that really made me question how much you actually know. OSDDID systems are, by definition, traumagenic. A traumagenic system can't simultaneously not be traumagenic. But we've never seen any endo claim this. I'd like to see you provide some examples, because that's obviously an oxymoron.”

> I have had IRL experiences with endos at my school claim to have DID/OSDD. Since this was irl and I don’t record conversations bc that’s fucking weird, we can’t provide that. This post is mainly about personal experiences.

“How? Where is the contradiction? Are you using a definition of system that only includes OSDDID In that case, yes, this sentence is an oxymoron.”

> The contradiction is that systems = DID/OSDD/UDD, or caused by PTSD. All of those are caused by trauma. Systems are caused by trauma.

“Is all of this only about a word's definition? Are we fine to call ourselves plural then, but not system? It would seem the battle to keep system a medical term was lost long ago (otherwise we use nonmedical terms because we do not have a disorder), but this would at least move the issue from one of fakeclaiming to one of language.”

Yes. If you don’t have trauma you’re not a system. Call yourself plural if you’re gonna be an endo

“Again, is your issue with the language or the concept? For my part, I was created artificially but not intentionally and then buried for weeks. We found the tulpa community helpful but are open to the idea of the word itself being cultural appropriation and treated as such.”

Tulpas appropriate closed practices btw I hope you know that.

“The "group mentioned = dni lifted" rule still applies here, yes?”

Yes?

“sophieinwonderland has many many posts citing the most reputable institutions on the planet. I'd like to see you try to debunk just one of them. Here is one very relevant to this discussion.”

Isn’t that the Tulpa? Alr bet

“First, we're already fine in that area, and second, we actually find the plural community somewhat exhausting, because each system's multiple members add up to hit Dunbar's Number much more quickly than in most communities, and because of the unavoidable ever-present syscourse. We're only ever active in spurts.”

Then don’t participate in syscourse if it’s so exhausting

“Grippy socks”

There’s a TW/CW

I have met endos who claim to have DID/OSDD, just not online. You can call yourself plural, just don’t call yourself a system. This is about endogenic SYSTEMS, and tulpa SYSTEMS. Call yourself plural, idgaf, just don’t call yourself a system.

Plural culture is THERE IS NO WAY AN ENDO FAKE CLAIMED US 💀

Very long rant after this

CW/TW: Mentions of trauma, maybe syscourse(?), lots of swearing, me being kinda a bitch(?)

Also, I’m making it so if I post smth abt endos, endos can interact. It just seems fair.

You’re telling me, you, someone who claims to be a “system” without trauma, IS FAKECLAIMING ME??

No because I’m (not) sorry, but if you support endos or are an endo, any opinion you have when it comes to systems is immediately invalid. Like be so fr.

“You can be a polyfrag OSDD1B system” an endo who I didn’t know was an endo told me this. Thank god a real system informed me on what being polyfrag actually is.

I have massive trauma, I have to deal with this disorder every single fucking day and it sucks sometimes. And whether you stupid ass endos wanna hear it or not, yall chose to pretend to be “systems”.

Jokes on you bitches (endos), systems form between the ages 1-9. I guarantee you, you were not pretending to be a system at 1-9 years old. You discovered what systems are at 12-13 years old and decided ‘yo I want this’ but found out you didn’t meet the criteria to have Badboyhalo and Technoblade as alters.

(Not hating on anyone with these alters btw, this is about fakers and im just using examples 🫶)

Dear endos, y’all are fucking pathetic. Seriously, go outside and get a fucking life instead of making real systems look bad. Y’all romanticize systems, we’re not just a bunch of comfort characters who talk to each other.

Most endogenic systems I’ve seen spread so much misinformation on DID/OSDD. Heavy on ENDOGENIC SYSTEMS I HAVE SEEN. Not a fact, this is personal experience. How are you gonna claim to have a disorder without knowing what the disorder is? It’s like saying you have a non-ticcing tic disorder. You only tic on command. Sounds stupid, I know (I have tics in my neck). And having actual tics and your tics being triggered by the word tic doesn’t count.

It is physically impossible to have DID/OSDD without trauma. Trauma is what causes DID/OSDD in the first place. If you don’t have trauma but you have literally every other symptom of DID/OSDD or some, you don’t have DID/OSDD. You have something else (not gonna diagnose anyone just stating facts).

Many symptoms of DID/OSDD overlap with other common disorders, which is why it’s so hard to diagnose. Again, do actual research before self diagnosing. And yeah, I support self diagnosis. Why? Because I grew up in a household that didn’t believe in mental health in the first place and that was my only option, I tried to get diagnosed and my last therapist turned out to be a p3d0. And others may have similar experiences. I don’t support self diagnosis if you don’t do your research.

“Endogenic systems probably just don’t remember their trauma”. The excuse that endogenic systems don’t remember their trauma is stupid. All trauma is valid, even trauma you don’t remember. Being endogenic specifically means you don’t have trauma, and that includes trauma you don’t remember. Being endogenic does not equal not remembering trauma. They may think they are endogenic, but they aren’t.

“You can’t be against endogenic systems and be pro-spiritual at the same time” womp womp I am. Disorders don’t equal spirituality. I am highly spiritual, I practice witchcraft, and investigate paranormal activity, and they do not connect to disorders or being a system. “It’s not scientifically possible to have more than one soul” scientifically, not proven. Spiritually, it is, but that isn’t DID/OSDD/being a system. “It’s not scientifically possible to share a body with spirits” scientifically, not proven. Spiritually, it is, but that isn’t DID/OSDD/being a system. There was also something about imaginary friends but that’s just fucking stupid to me to compare imaginary friends to DID/OSDD/being a system so imma just not. “The moment you use science as an excuse to disrespect others' spirituality and spiritual beliefs your whole argument just becomes anti-spirituality.” Science and spirituality are different but also the same. Guess what else has been scientifically proven? You can’t have a disorder based on trauma without having trauma. And you can’t be a system without trauma. Any arguments about science are debunked. And guess what, I love spirituality. I just fucking hate endogenic systems. Womp womp, I’m going to continue my spiritual journey and hate ENDOS in the process. Because again, disorders and systems are not spiritual. The whole point of being an endogenic system is having DID/OSDD without trauma, and DID/OSDD are disorders. If you believe you have voices in your head that are spiritual, reach out to a spiritualist. You don’t have a disorder. It could be a deity reaching out to you, spirit guide, ancestors, etc.

Also, I fucking dare any endo to go up to a medical professional and say you’re spiritually a system and are hearing voices. News flash, you’ll be sent on a grippy socks vacation.

“Endos paved the way for the mordern plural community” no one cares. This is most likely not even true. If people who faked anxiety ‘paved the way’ for the modern community of people who actually had anxiety, does that make the people who faked anxiety valid? No, it doesn’t. No matter how many labels you wanna put on it, it doesn’t make it valid.

“You can be willogenic, or intentionally creating your system, or protogenic, being born a system.” Unless you purposefully put yourself through trauma (which if you did, talk to someone), willogenic is not valid. You cannot purposefully create your own system. If you’re claiming to create your own system, guess what? You have an imagination. Imagination is not a disorder and it does not make you a system. Sure, there are certain parts of DID/OSDD that are up to you, like an alters FC based on how they described themselves, or (as I’ve been told) your inner space, but choosing to be a system is not possible. Willogenic is not spiritual and has no place in the spiritual community. Whether you like it or not, ENDOS and willogenics mock people with DID/OSDD/actual systems (yes by simply existing). Protogenic is not valid either. You can’t be born with trauma, so you can’t be born with DID/OSDD/a system.

“Systems aren’t always associated with DID/OSDD/aren’t always formed from DID/OSDD” that whole sentence debunks itself and ENDOS. Sure, systems may not be based on/formed from/associated with DID/OSDD, but you know what is? Trauma. Therefore it is impossible to be a system without trauma. Also, based on what information I’ve research I’ve done..systems are associated with DID/OSDD, considering that’s literally what the disorder is. Again proves that endogenic systems can’t research their own ‘disorder’.

“Being plural can be a religious thing” oh I just love bringing religion into everyone (I’m being sarcastic). Name me one religion that tells you to be a system, any kind of systen. Or plural for that matter. Either way, still not valid. If it’s a religious belief, then that’s an even better reason to keep it to yourself. If it was a religious thing (if it’s even religious in the first place), and you claim it wasn’t a choice, then you most likely have religious trauma. It’s like being forced to be baptized or forced to go to church or forced to read the Bible and being forced to be a certain religion can cause trauma. If you claim you didn’t choose to be a system or plural because of religious beliefs, you most likely have religious trauma you need to work through. For one, I’m not diagnosing anyone. Two, the religious trauma is most likely not the reason for being plural or a system, but it’s possible since religious trauma is valid. It’s like being forced to pretend you have anxiety, being forced to have anxiety doesn’t cause you to develop anxiety, but it can cause something else. If you claim it’s religious and it’s a choice, you’re still invalid. That religion most likely isn’t telling you to fake having a disorder, it’s telling you something else from a spiritual standpoint. And again in my last point, spirituality doesn’t equal disorders and it does not create systems.

“It’s a coping mechanism” if your only coping mechanism to actual bad mental health and actual trauma is to fake disorder you need help. There’s this fun thing called journaling, seeing a therapist, and way better coping mechanisms than going online and dedicating 365 days a year to faking a disorder.

“I like to Roleplay” cool I like to write. Doesn’t make writing a disorder. Hobbies don’t equal disorders. Roleplay all you want, Roleplay is cool as fuck. But it’s not a disorder. Role playing may help you realize you have DID/OSDD in a way, but it won’t diagnose you or make you develop DID/OSDD or become plural or a system. Also if you compare systems to roleplaying you’re a little hoe <3

“I discovered being a system by faking being a system” the fact you faked being a system in the first place is so sad and nasty. No, this does not apply to people who sometimes think they are faking it or thought they were faking at first. This is for people who legit faked being a system for attention or to make fun of actual systems. I’m pretty sure you didn’t develop trauma by faking having trauma.

“Plurality is being more than one, you don’t have to be disordered to have it”. Plurality ≠ being a system. This is about endogenic SYSTEMS, and willogenic SYSTEMS, and protogenic SYSTEMS, if you’re trying to say you’re plural and not a system, stop calling yourself endogenic or willogenic or protogenic.

plural = multiple personalities/alters/beings/whatever person wants to call it in one body but not due to a system, like "tulpas" (educating, I don't support. Also Tulpas DNI)

“We don’t know enough about DID/OSDD/UDD/systems to prove that they can be formed through only trauma!!!!” That’s because the only way to prove that they can be formed without trauma would be to take 50 kids between the ages 1-9, put 25 of them through severe and consistent trauma, and tell the other 25 to just become a system. And I know damn well at the ages of 1-9 you did not wake up one day and decide ‘I’m gonna be a system’.

“But I thought you hated fakeclaimers!!!?!?!!” I hate fakeclaimers, I hate disorder fakers even more. If you’re mad about getting fake claimed as a endo, tulpa, etc, womp fucking womp. Don’t fake a being a system and you won’t get fake claimed.

“You’re just a sysmed-” nope I just know selling/buying alters, claiming to have a traumatic disorder without trauma, choosing to be a system, etc is bullshit. Anyone who isn’t delusional enough to fake being a system knows that.

“Give me one source that proves you can’t be an endo-!” And then all of their proof of endos is spiritual possession and other endo websites. Not only are they endos and misinformed as fuck, they’re hypocrites. Pick a struggle💀

Also, if you claim to be a system spiritually, then I’ll gladly use spirituality to get rid of your “system” since you claim to hate it sm <3

I’m a spiritualist and I practice witchcraft. I’m also studying paranormal investigation. Don’t you dare bring up systems “spiritually”.

Also idc if this is considered syscourse. It’s facts, argue with the fucking wall.

Endos, cry. Scream. Sob. Wail. Throw a tantrum. Rant about how much of a ‘sysmed’ I am on your pro endo tags. Idgaf. You’re mad because you can’t be a system.

You don’t even want to be a system. You want a to be in a community. You want to ‘heal’ from something you never experienced. You want to be different. You want to Roleplay. You

Also, stop calling endos endogenic systems. They’re not systems. Just call them endos. Or fakers, because they are fakers.

I understand if you were misinformed and thought you were an endo because you didn’t remember trauma, or an endo misinformed you, but endos are still stupid little bitches. Sorry 🤷

[candyland-toybox]

gonna rant about trauma and how badly i wanna get rid of DID as a whole

tw for lots of deep topics and syscourse below also it’s very long so just know you’re in for a ton of reading

also about the syscourse part: endos i know i talked about you in this but if you interact i am going to block you. i don’t fucking care. this post is directed at you but not tagged for you. if you see it it’s because you’re not in your safe space anymore. gtfo of my post.

nobody should have to endure trauma. no matter how bad it is to them or anyone else. also can we not debate what trauma is? trauma is trauma and trauma is also subjective. your trauma may be seen as “less” than someone else’s, but if it has affected you to the point where youre stuck living with the affects and you feel like it’s beyond repair, it is trauma and it is valid. you can’t let someone dictate what your trauma is.

however, for the record, some things aren’t trauma. someone being mean to you once is not trauma. someone being mean to you for ages to the point where you had to struggle with thoughts of depression and s/h before you turned 10 is trauma. yes i did use my own as an example shut up /lh

some people have childhood trauma that is not the same as someone else’s, or they may have experienced it and it’s not as bad to them as it is to someone else. but it is subjective all the same. just because you experienced something and it wasn’t bad to you doesn’t mean the same for someone else.

so if you have childhood trauma that hurt you this bad, you have childhood trauma.

now onto how this affects DID/OSDD. if you have childhood trauma and don’t have DID/OSDD? good. you’re lucky not to have that. if you have childhood trauma and DID/OSDD? cool. hope things get better for you. as i said, childhood trauma is subjective. if you have DID/OSDD and childhood trauma, but people say your trauma wasn’t “that bad”, you still have DID/OSDD. your trauma caused this and there wasn’t anything you could do, even if others say it wasn’t bad enough for it. no one should judge your trauma. if it caused it it caused it.

now in comes the non-traumagenics. heres a bite of info: if you support non-traumagenics/are non-traumagenic, why are you? why do you think a disorder which has caused people to suffer and shouldn’t even exist is just a quirky and fun identity? it’s not a MOGAI gender/xenogender. its a serious mental illness that has and will hurt everyone who has it.

as stated, it’s caused by childhood trauma. you don’t have childhood trauma? cool. you’re a singlet and will stay one. you want to be endogenic? ok. just stop invading our spaces, harassing people who disagree, and if you don’t like us, respectfully block and move on.

if you’re endo just to spread misinfo and/or invade the spaces of traumatized people, you’re a shitty person. if you’re endo but are in denial/unaware of your trauma and still experience the actual symptoms, you’re traumagenic and the disorder is doing it’s job. if you’re endo to cope, i’m not going to judge your coping mechanism but please state it’s for coping reasons and be respectful of actual traumagenics.

if you’re a singlet and you’re speaking on these issues: stop. fucking stop. you don’t know what it’s like for us and this is not your space to speak on our issues. i saw a post that said something like “if you wouldn’t speak on POC issues if you’re white… why would you speak on syscource if you’re a singlet?” and they’re right. don’t speak on issues in a community you’re not a part of. it’s not your space to comment on our problems and it never will be so just stop.

anyways if you made it this far thank you for listening to me. sorry about my text walls i just feel very strongly about this.

and as i’ve said, endos dni. i don’t support endos, as i’ve said, but if you do it to cope as i’ve said please tell us. i will block you regardless but i will at least respect that you’re coping with your own things.

[girldraki]

Wait what’s an endogenic system??????

alright. so this is a fucking essay and we're gonna put a cut here. buckle up i guess. theres a lot of paragraphs and formatting too bc we're adhd and it helps us read

so a system = more than one consciousness to a body. traumagenic, endogenic, quoigenic, and some other terms (those two being the major players) describe types of systems, and follow the format of a prefix denoting how a specific system formed (trauma = self explanatory, endo = within, etc.) and the suffix -genic from the word "genesis".

so, on a purely literal level, all "traumagenic" means is "a system that formed through trauma", and all "endogenic" means is "a system that formed from within/naturally", but unfortunately there's a shitload of baggage surrounding the whole concept.

re: cultural understanding of "traumagenic"

mainstream psych has a very specific definition of systems; specifically, that they exclusively occur through the did and osdd diagnoses. the pure diagnosis for did as according to the dsm requires (slightly paraphrased)

that two or more differentiated consciousnesses be present within a person

that they experience significant amnesia

that the system be distressed or impaired in life function by being a system

that the consciousnesses not be the result of a spiritual practice of some sort

that this not be explainable through intoxication or other medical conditions

(osdd-1a is used as a diagnosis when these conditions are met but the consciousnesses consider themselves to be facets of the same person. osdd-1b is used when significant amnesia isn't experienced.)

popular knowledge around did/osdd also strongly proliferate the structural dissociation theory (or cherry-picked parts of the structural dissociation theory), mostly to argue that (1) plurality exclusively occurs through trauma and (2) there is an age limit for when a system can form.

(there's a great deal of bullshit surrounding structural dissociation as a concept, some of which you can probably find if you search it on our blog, but that's not. the topic of this.)

so all that above is the popular medical and cultural understanding of plurality. 99% of the time, when someone says the word traumagenic, they're referring to this specific frame of reference.

a little tangent on spirituality before we dive into the endo thing

you'll notice that the dsm criteria for did and osdd explicitly exclude people with multiple consciousnesses for spiritual/religious reasons. obviously, not everyone who experiences spirituality this way wants to fit into the plural community; however, there's enough people who identify specifically as spiritual systems that i feel like this is another good reason why insisting plurality is exclusively medical is pretty reductive.

(we're. not gonna go too deep into the topic of people experiencing plurality through attempting to engage in closed cultural practices bc this isn't what the post is about but like. for the record it's Bad and Racist and we very much do not condone it, culturally available terminology exists, please use it )

so endogenic systems

endogenic systems are what... a lot of plurals who don't fit did/osdd criteria get lumped into, so this is a much more complicated thing to explain. at their most basic, endogenics usually end up meaning "anyone who isn't plural exclusively because of trauma", with i guess the prototypical endogenic plural being just... a system who believes their plurality to be natural for them. that's it.

(there's precedent, for the record, for such an idea even in the beginnings of mainstream plural history-- chris costner sizemore, the system upon whom "the three faces of eve" was based, wrote in their autobiography that their headmates existed prior to their trauma, if triggered to become more active by it)

now. for reasons that we honestly don't understand and cant explain to you, the idea that some people are just like this angers a lot of systems profoundly. a lot of talk about how the only real plurals are medical ones, a lot of "endos dni" on completely generic system posts, and a whole lot of insistence that the endo community prevents did/osdd systems from acknowledging their trauma (this alongside the argument that "well, we as did systems and endos have different goals and should have separate communities" gives us a distinct suspicion that some of this is recycled ace exclusionist rhetoric, but ah fucking well).

like, we're legitimately sorry for this explanation section on What Endos Are (Literally And Culturally) is so short and not very explanatory, but the thing is that plurality has been rather artificially divided into Traumagenic Systems and Endogenics and it's like. on one side we have the medical diagnoses for did and osdd. on the other side is literally every other way people experience plurality. we can't give you a short summary of that? here's some bullet points at least

endogenic plurals do not link their trauma, if it exists, to their plurality, at least not completely (mixed origin systems are a thing and fairly self explanatory)

endogenic plural terminology is often used by multiples who do not fit the dsm criteria for did or osdd for whatever reason

multiples who are completely outside the ordinary framework of did/osdd systems almost always use endogenic terminology

another damn tangent we're so sorry this one is shorter

we mentioned the word "quoigenic" way back in the first paragraph, and as you might have been able to parse, it means "not knowing how your system originated". it's about the most common term outside of endo and traumagenic for systems, and generally ends up with the same baggage as "endo" for acknowledging that it might not have been trauma.

too long; didn't read:

"traumagenic" and "endogenic" just mean "our plurality formed through trauma" or "our plurality was natural" respectively, but they also have a lot of cultural baggage.

"traumagenic" culturally tends to mean that a multiple fits within the did/osdd diagnoses and usually also implies the structural dissociation theory. we're genuinely not mad at them, for the record. it's not, like, bad to be formed through trauma, we're just sick of people acting like it's the only way systems exist.

"endogenic" culturally tends to be used by plurals who don't fit within medical frameworks of plurality, and endogenic multiples generally take a massive amount of shit from systems and singlets alike. it's also all way too close to the weird lgbt community slapfights we've been involved in, which is part of the reason we're very very wary.

thank you for coming to our ted talk sorry it took a solid hour and a half to answer this ask

[kindlyre]

😳😳😳 OMG

THE IDEA OF KOKICHIS FATHER USING MENTAL HEALTH STIGMA *AGAINST* KOKICHI IS SO INSANE (AFFECTIONATE) OMG

im still playing w my kokichi mento illness hcs but i ttthink im gonna go w bpd? we'll see what this little fucker does tho, im not writing him, hes writing me

also fun facts theres a link between adhd and conduct disorder in that if you abuse a kid w/adhd theres a greater than average chance that theyll develop conduct disorder and lbr.... yes thats where i got it from 😔

(also WE OUT HERE NOT HAVING SHIT ON OUR RECORDS!! my ONLY on-paper dx is ptsd and even then i wish i didnt have that. i do not want my doctors diagnosing me w crazy bitch syndrome when i need painkillers)

(also ps osdd system too!! mine is weird in that like.... we USED to function like an osdd1a system but then i moved out and they were like "FUCK being fragments all my homies HATE being fragments" and since their job was done and they didnt NEED to be a mental epipen to influence me, they developed full personalities n shit. so now we are an osdd1b system? i also practice soulbonding, which yk having that practice very much helped when i discovered the traumagenic alters. like, i alr knew how to do system shit)

also wrt resources. first off: DO NOT GO ON REDDIT do NOT GO ON QUORA and if u see a couple like, sociopath specific forums on The Internet. do not go there as well

aspd tumblr is the most Normal About It, all those other places are the most self cannibalizing fakeclaimers of All Time. aspd tiktok is a mix of people farming it for clout and people just talking about it and tbh i dont rly interact with it uuuhhh at all

on tumblr tho your-aspd-dad is a very good resource!! used to be run by one mod, then a bunch, sadly abandoned. it was me reading that blog for character research and going "haha, i do that!!! and that! and that. and that... and....that..... oh no" that started my wonderful journey into hell

i also used to talk a LOT about aspd on my durarara blog @wawawawawawawawawawawawawa but ur gonna have to deal w gay twink meta framing it, just filter by my original posts n they should all come up evenchually

theres also this one article called "the hidden suffering of the psychopath" which is apparently controversial but idfk anything abt that. but i feel the need to mention it bc its author is a diagnosed psychopath (hes an older guy so his dx was from back when they still did that) and a lot of it is drawing from personal experience and like, its very imperfect but i like it a lot. makes me feel hashtag seen. not many people rly talk about that kind of thing yk?

id answer more but im lowk REALLY bad at open ended questions 😭 but just off the top of my head: i was in a relationship for SIX YEARS before i realized that he did actually feel bad for accodentally hurting me and his apologies werent just handwaving stuff to get me to shut up. breaking news remorse exists! big if true. its been a few years since i realized this and honestly its just funny af now but like. for Six Of God's Own Years. i forgot remorse existed and that people felt it

@kindlyre

Okay I'm VERY curious as to what mental illness you're writing Rantaro to have because it seems to be one of those stigmatized ones and I'm v curious???

[satanscervix]

traumagenic questions

these questions were made by @pluralphobic!

How many alters do you know of in your system? I lost count after learning the names of around 20 and becoming aware of the existence of about 50. Right now, I’ve probably met something like 60-70.

Any fictives? If so, who are they and what is their source? Not that I’m aware of.

Who fronts the most on average? This is a funny and difficult question for a few reasons. The person who has fronted most has changed regularly since the body was young without a certain individual who has always been co-con understanding. Four months ago, the person who fronted the most was essentially thrust out of the spotlight. Currently no one fronts the most-- or so I think. I’m not really sure because the lines between many of us who do front are pretty blurry.

Who knows about your system? My nuclear family, my therapist, and my psychiatrist.

Do you keep a log/journal about your experiences? Yes! We did this before the whole DID thing. Knowing about it has only made us record our experiences more meticulously. It’s the reason this blog was started.

How far have you gotten with doctors and helping to work with your system? Not very far at all. The people I’ve talked to don’t specialise in dissociation so I have to find new people to talk to.

Pick an alter. What are the things that can tell them apart from everyone else? Like actions, handwriting, speech etc. She doesn't have a name (yet?) but we know when she's present because everyone feels better when she’s here. She has such a dominant energy and is so sure of herself. She doesn't write; she has others write for her. When she’s here, we all feel like we can do anything and accomplish all of the goals we feel are too large for us.

Do your alters feel comfortable in your body? What about the voice the body has? Most people are fine with the body as is, but some people want to do things like bind or lose weight. Some body are annoyed/uncomfortable with the voice and do nothing and others change tone, accent, etc. to feel better.

What is something you and all of your alters have in common? We all want to live our best fucking life despite sharing a single body that can only do and pursue so many things at once.

If you have fictives, how different are they to their original source? If you don’t have fictives, how different do your alters act when fronting? There are no fictives that I know of. On the outside, we seem to approximately be the same person unless we make the conscious decision to allow our idiosyncrasies to show. Thus far, we’ve been rejected or otherwise discouraged from doing that obviously so we don’t do it much and stick to little things if we do.

In what places do your alters have to act like the host? Everywhere, lmaooo. The only true safe space is our room and we are so thankful we won’t be having a roommate at uni anymore. And to further elaborate, we no longer have a host so we just maintain a lot of the behaviour that the former host used to exhibit. We’re also remaking ourself, meaning that some of the former host’s behaviour is being replaced with other, (often) better things for us all sooo there’s that too.

When did you discover you had DID/OSDD? Over the last four months. It started with the former host switching out with other people and then sharing the headspace with others. They thought they were losing their mind. Little did they know that they were finding it.

Did other people see some implications towards you having DID/OSDD before you noticed? (Like acting “strange”, not noticing time change, talking to yourself etc.) The last two but particularly time change. All in all we’ve been pretty great at seeming normal, though.